Return With Honor

 The time has finally come. 

 As much as a missionary can try not to think about it, the steady march of time presses forward.  Some days the tempo seems to be at a crawl, other days it can proceed with alarming accelerando.  For me, the day of my release always seemed so far off (and still does), but I know better.  Time will continue on, and the sun is setting over the horizon of this chapter of my life.
 Because this is my last post as a full-time missionary, I'm trying to figure out exactly what to say.  I feel like Moroni, who decided to leave some final thoughts at the end of his service on those plates of gold.  His words, almost an afterthought, have been some of the most special and powerful in all of the Book of Mormon (for me, anyways).

 So what counsel do I have for you?  What sage spiritual insights can I possibly offer? 

 Well, let me tell you. :)

 THINGS I LEARNED ON MY MISSION:

~Don't ever study in a recliner.

~With lunch meats, you get what you pay for.
~No matter how much you prepare, you will still get a flat tire.
~Children know a lot more than we think they do.
~Never, EVER argue with somebody about scriptures (aka "Bashing")!
~Don't eat things that were in the apartment before you.
~Always check expiration dates!
~If you are on bike, don't go into gated communities at night.  Just trust me.
~Wear biking gloves.  They are the cheapest form of bike insurance.
~Laundry is Not something you can put off.
~The people you don't want to talk to are the people you need to talk to.
~Early to bed and early to rise makes a missionary happy, healthy, and obedient. :P
~Peanut butter is good on everything.
~You won't be happy until you stop worrying about how happy you are.
~If you think you can do everything on your own, God will let you do everything on your own.
~You can't do everything on your own.

~You don't tell someone you love them, you show them.
~Companions can be your best frenemies.
~Dogs will love you if you love them.
~Dog hair goes away if you don't worry about it.
~Dog drool doesn't go away.
~If you want to look professional, shine your shoes.
~The best days sometimes have the worst beginnings.
~If you are afraid to change, you are in the wrong place.
~Don't be afraid to be original.
~Don't be afraid to be unorginal.
~If you're not having fun, you're not doing it right.

~You can be a teacher for people 2-4 times older than you.
~Always pack a towel.
~Your scriptures are your best friend.
~Shower first if you can.
~Planning is key.
~It should always be about the people, and never about the numbers.
~Take pictures!
~Your family gets bigger with every area.
~Double dinners are Not a good thing.
~You will never be happier than when you are serving others.
~Jesus Is The Christ.

 Obviously this list could nearly go on to infinity.  To quote Elder Matthew O. Richardson of the Seventy,     "I... feel that my mission was the best two years for my life." Though my service ends now, I know that who I am and where I'm going will forever be changed because of these short two years.  I pray I will be true to all the wonderful people I have met and who have changed me for the better along the way.  I have faith that everything I've learned here will help me every day for the rest of my life. I'm grateful for the blessing that being a missionary has been, and I implore that everyone who ever has the chance will do so.
 If I can do it, so can you.

 The ways I have changed and learned and grown are countless, but the things I have learned are simple.
I know the Book of Mormon is true.  I know that God speaks today.  I know you can be happier than you are, right now, through Jesus Christ.
 He is my my Savior.  My exemplar.  My teacher. My redeemer.  My best friend.
 He lives.

 In the name of Jesus Christ,
Amen.

"Why are You Mormon?"

 The other day, we had the privilege to table at Humboldt State University in Arcata.  Now, for those of you unfamiliar with the concept of "tabling", it is basically a way to advertise and initiate conversation via table.  Here's how it works: you set up a table (in a strategic location), and you put a whole bunch of stuff on said table to attract people.  Once these two ingredients are in place, you stand and wait for the people to come.
 And on a misty, cloudy morning in Humboldt county, that is precisely what we did.

  As the hordes of students ambled by on the way to their classes, we got several different reactions.  Some laughs, some cold shoulders, plenty of snippets of conversation that didn't include us ("-they have castles!"), but I was pleasantly surprised at the number who actually stopped to have an open minded conversation with us. 

 After an uplifting conversation with several students (who then left to go to class), we got to talk to another student who approached us.  She asked us lots of good questions, and was determined to get each of the four missionaries present to talk. 
 At one point in the conversation, she turned to me and said, "So why are you Mormon?"

  Now, as someone who asks other people questions all day, I was quite taken aback for a moment.  This was a good question.  A very good question.  This wasn't just something I could answer with a simple "yes" or "no", this wasn't something I could glibly deflect with "just 'cuz" or something of that nature.  I could go off on physical and geographical evidences of the Book of Mormon, how we can see fulfilled prophecies of Joseph Smith throughout the Doctrine and Covenants, or even how modern plasma cosmology may support the idea of Kolob. 

 But that wouldn't answer the question.

 Why was I Mormon?

 Why am I Mormon?

 It didn't take long for the words to come.

 Now, in my opinion, a true testimony is when you don't have time to think about what you are going to say.  An unfortunate side effect of this is that you often don't remember a word you said afterwords.  And such is the case here.

 But what I can remember is what I felt.  And I still know what I know.

  I'm not a perfect person.  I'm not the smartest person.  I'm not always the nicest, most giving, or most forgiving person. I'm not even the most spiritual person. But I know that my Savior loves me anyways.  I know that I am a better person through my Friend and Redeemer Jesus Christ. I still have a long way to go, but that is the joy of life: being able to learn, and to grow, and to love.

 

 Being a "mormon" isn't about the white shirts, ties, and nametags.  It's not about telling people they are wrong and we are right, or about the little differences that can divide us from other churches.  It's not about green jello, knocking on your doors, or having a lot of wives.

  It's about following our Savior's example, loving all our brothers and sisters, and striving to fulfil the Divine potential that is within all of us.  It is about being a family, whether in the home or in a nation or in a world.  It's about serving and giving to all who's hands hang low, because they are our brothers and sisters.  It's about doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.  It's about faith, hope, and love.

 It's about Jesus Christ.

White Fire!

 I love Fire.  To me, fire is a mystery and a wonder.  It is clear, yet ephemerally solid.  It brings light and warmth to any environment.  Fire can save lives, if controlled.  Just as easily, it can destroy pretty much everything if left to its own device.  It can cleanse and purify, as well as burn to ashes.  It is little wonder to me, having found comfort in the cold of winter before a warm crackling fire, that the Spirit of God too burns "like a fire."  The Spirit often speaks through a "burning" feeling.  When we receive the Holy Ghost, it is known as the "Baptism of Fire". Throughout scripture, whenever God shows His power from Heaven, He shows it by bringing the fire.

  I have had the wonderful opportunity to recently begin training a brand new missionary.  To anyone who has trained, or even been in close proximity with, a new missionary, they've more than likely experienced the phenomenon known as "Greenie Fire".

 Greenie Fire is powerful.  It can overcome any contact's resistance by sheer will and desire to share our message!  It can face any and all opposition with inerrant optimism!  It can tract all day in 100+ degree summer days, and still want to skip dinner!  It can't be deterred by dogs, flat tires, no mail, angry yells, and slammed doors. It is a flame that is bright and hot, and it is contagious, especially to other missionaries.  It is a wonderful spiritual "new car smell" reserved only for those fresh to the mission field.


My boy, Elder Longstaff.


 What makes Greenie Fire so wonderful, and new missionaries so powerful, is that they are completely uncomfortable and new at missionary work.  They don't know how to tract. They've never taught a 25 year old single mother about the Law of Chastity.  They've never even invited someone on the street to be baptized!  They are completely new.  Therefore, they rely completely on the Lord.  They aren't afraid to do any of the aforementioned missionary activities, because they know the Lord will help them.

  Yet, as with any flame, the Greenie Fire begins to fade.  As the missionary gains experience, learns the lessons, and can contact just about anyone on the street, the work becomes easier.  Familiar.  Comfortable.  Faith in what the Lord can accomplish through you is replaced by confidence in things you have accomplished.
  And so, who is the better missionary: the inexperienced "Greenie" overflowing with enthusiasm, or the seasoned veteran who is capable and experienced?

 In my opinion, one is not better than the other.  But a missionary that is both would be truly powerful.

  Imagine if a missionary were to keep that Fire in their heart their whole mission!  Even with all the experience and lessons and contacts and baptisms that come over time, they relied solely on the Lord with reckless, desperate abondon!  The Greenie Fire would give way to something that burns much hotter.  A more refined Fire that is controlled, powerful, and Divine.

 This is White Fire.

 White Fire isn't just for missionaries, either.  It comes from an insatiable desire to do good.  It is that power, that light, that certain people seem to carry with them.  They bring warmth to all those around them, and they attract weatherworn souls as a moth is drawn to a flame.  We all see these people.  If you are like me, you want to be like those people.  This light isn't some magic trick, it isn't solely personality either (although I know that certainly helps, sometimes).  It is because these people follow the Master.

 I testify that we can all have this power!  We can all have this light!  The Spirit of God is for everyone; everyone can feel the warmth of it's flame.  All we have to do is follow the Savior, trust in the Father, and seek the Spirit.
 Then all will be able to feel your White Fire.

To Be an Instrument

I'd like you to meet a friend of mine.  A very good friend of mine.
 I'm talking about a friend who has been with me through the thick and the thin.  Be it howling rainstorms on bike in Fairfield, raging gang fights in Vallejo, peaceful sunny mornings in Petaluma, and the misty sea breeze of McKinleyville, and everything in between, this friend has time and again proven faithful and true.  We've had some near misses and close calls, but we've always been reunited in the end.  This friend has been a constant companion to me, and I knew I could always count on him when I needed him.

 Say hello to Penjamin. (*named in honor of Elder Collett's legendary pen)

 Every missionary needs a good, reliable pen.  Some prefer cheap, expendable pens.  Others stick to certain brands, such as Zebra or Inc.  For me, there is only Penjamin.  Whenever there is an appointment to be set, he is there to ink in the block in my daily planner.  Whenever there was a letter to be written, Penjamin is there to fill the lines and address the envelope.  If I have any thoughts or ideas, Penjamin turns them from mere thoughts into a reality, making the intangible tangible on any medium (as long as its paper).  It's amazing how something as simple as a little bit of metal, plactic, and ink can literally change the world.  This  simple instrument can be a great force for good, or a terrible weapon for evil.
 It all depends on how you use it.

 The Dictionary defines "instrument" as:

 "a means by which something is effected or done; agency". 

 There are many examples of instruments.  The first things that come to your mind are probably things like pianos, trombones, ukuleles, and, my personal favorite, guitars. 
  All of these musical instruments can help us express our emotions in a beautiful, harmonizing way.  However, before an instrument becomes even remotely useful, many hours of practice and trial must be invested.  What is more, if an instrument is out of tune, it can be frustrating and depressing to play! If a string is tightened too much, it will snap.  If it is too slack, it is useless. 

 In that same way, we are "instruments" in the Hands of the Lord. As we strive to overcome our weaknesses and change our hearts, we bring ourselves more "in tune" with the melody of the Master.  To be an instrument, we must recognize that, on our own, we can't make the music come.  We may have every ivory key polished, every string pitched just so, but without the musician, they are all but useless.  But if we invite the Great Musician into our lives, the Lord promises to "make an instrument of thee in my hands unto the salvation of many souls"

 Only you can decide what kind of instrument you will be. Will you seek to be an instrument for good, or one that collects dust on the shelf?  Will you allow for the "touch of the Master's hand", or will you let your music go unplayed?
 "Neither yield ye..as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves... as instruments of righteousness unto God."

The Parable of the Frozen Pond: Part 3

"How?  How can I break this ice?  It must be several feet thick!  I would need some kind of a mechanical drill to get through it. Or a flamethrower," you add on sardonically. The little you chuckles.  "You can't just break this ice.  We are so inclined to thinking of 'quick fixes' these days.  It takes time to freeze water, doesn't it?  Remember when we would fill the ice tray with Sprite in the summer, and how it seemed to take forever for it to freeze?"
 You nod, although a little perturbed at the reminder that you are both the same person.
 "It's the same with hearts!"exclaims little you. "They don't just turn to stone.  It is a process.  Day by day, thought by thought, sin by sin.  When subjected to enough trial, pain, and heartbreak, even the most stalwart hearts can harden, merely to protect ourselves from all the pain we experience in this life.
 "Just as the spring sunrise will thaw an icy pond, so will turning to the Son bring you a 'broken heart and a contrite spirit'. You have been in the dark too long, you have allowed your heart to harden, and grow cold.

 "First, let me ask: why would you want to change?  Why does the Lord "require the heart"?  What's the big deal with hearts, anyway?"
  The question hangs in the air.  You are thinking. 
  Why IS the heart such a big deal?  Why do the scriptures always talk about the heart?  Didn't they know it's the BRAIN that controls everything?  The heart is just a bunch of muscle!  In fact, it's probably good to have a hard heart.  That just means it's healthy and strong, right? You reflect inwardly.  But that can't be right; the Lord tells us time and time again that "heardheartedness" is a sin. 
 "Well," you respond, finally, "our hearts reflect what we desire, right?  I mean, anything with hearts is usually referring to love and stuff.  So the Lord says He 'requires' our hearts because He just wants us to love Him, right?" you venture hopefully.

 "Well, kind of." replies little you. "The Lord does command us to love Him, first and foremost.  But what then does He command us to do?"
 Suddenly a primary song from your childhood seems to ring in your ears.  As I have loved you, love one another....
 "Love our neighbors!" you almost shout with excitement. "The Lord commands us to love everyone, as ourselves!"
 "Right! You are officially caught up to Primary level.  That's good a start."
 Your face burns as little you continues, "Jesus doesn't so much ask us to love Him, but to love each other as He does. You see, almost all people are selfish and prideful by nature.  Love just doesn't come naturally, although some people have more proficiency at it than others.  Love takes work.  Love takes effort.  Love sometimes means opening ourselves up to pain, and giving selflessly to others."

 "We learn from the sermon on the mount that we should not only 'love our neighbors', but our enemies as well. For even the sinners love those who love them back.  Christ asks us to love everyone, regardless of how they treat you."
 "But that's impossible!" you blurt out, thinking of a coworker who has given you a particularly bad time. "How can we be expected to love people who are just so....unloveable?!"
 The little you looks at you, sadly.  "No one is unloveable.  That's what Christ teaches us.  When we see others as He does, infirmities, weaknesses, hopes, dreams, and all, it's impossible not to love someone.
 "Take Bob for example," little you continues, referring to the coworker whose memory had just incited you to anger, "he seems like an impossible person, right?  Constantly on your back, making fun of your haircut, quick to point out your mistakes and your flaws in your work. Loud, crude, obnoxious, arrogant, prideful, the laundry list of bad traits goes on. He doesn't care about anyone's feelings about himself, right?"
 "...Right." you answer after a short pause, not quite sure if you are being tricked or not.
 "Well let me tell you a few things you don't know about Bob.  He was born in a broken family; a family of five children who were supported only by his mother.  As the oldest, Bob got a job as soon as he was able, to help support the struggling family.  He was fourteen when he first got a job working as a farmhand.  He would work all day after school until sundown, every day.  By the time he got to high school, his mom became terminally ill with cancer.  She slowly passed away, leaving Bob to take care of his one brother and three sisters. He had to drop out of high school to work full time, allowing his siblings to go continue getting an education. Two of his sisters are teachers, one is a lawyer, while his younger brother is in school to be a heart surgeon."
 "Bob works with you at the grocery store because that is the best job he will probably ever be able to attain."

 The little you pauses, and you are surprised to feel tears again running down your cheeks.  That's not all, either, as you realize you are standing in several inches of water, up past your shoe.  The water, however, was not freezing, but warm and soothing, like a bubble bath.  You look around and see that the pond has started to thaw in select spot, steaming slightly in the soft sunlight.  You suddenly realize that sun is starting to peek through the clouds over the trees as well! Suddenly a ray shines on you, and you feel an upwelling of emotion.  Not of fear, irritation, or anger, but of love and understanding for Bob Rudger.
 The light becomes blinding, and suddenly you start to phase out of consciousness.  You hear little you's voice, growing steadily more distant, say, "this commandment have we from him, that he who loveth God love his brother also."

 You open your eyes with the sun shining in the window on your face. You smile. It's going to be a good day.

The Parable of the Frozen Pond: Part 2

 You start, looking up at the source of the voice.   You rub your eyes again, because you can't be seeing what you're seeing.
 It's you.
  But a you from a long time ago.  You can't be older than 10, yet there you are, smiling warmly, knowingly, at yourself.
 "Don't be afraid. I'm here to help you. Uh..me. Us."
 You don't know what to say.  You don't know if you can speak, anyways.  Thankfully, the young you continues, "There's something you need to know about this pond. It isn't just any pond.
 It's your heart."

 "We all have a heart within us, much like this pond.  It swells and ripples, some places are deep, and others are shallow.  The pond is deeper where we feel deep love for people, like our friends or family.  Other parts are shallow, like your love for a good movie or slize of pizza."
 "Sometimes the water is disturbed, roiling and crashing on the shore as you face adversity in life.  Emotions like anger, doubt, fear, and jealousy disturb the waters of the pond"
 "Other times, it is still as glass, reflecting the beauty all around it.  As the waters cease to roil, you can see the clarity of the water, and the depths beneath.  It is a beautiful thing to behold, and is a benefit to all who are near."
 "Your heart was once like this: free, clear, beautiful.  That's why I am here.
 "What is your heart now?"
 Having regained a little composure, you choke out a reply.
 "Frozen."

 "That's right," replies the little you, still smiling, yet a little somberly. 
 "You see, just as water can stagnate, so can the heart.  Just as a pond can freeze, so can the heart.  How does a pond freeze?"
 "Well, it has to be cold," you reply.  "Right?" you add on, uncertainly.
 "That's right, and now we're to the point of why I'm here.
 I'm here to teach you about the Atonement of Jesus Christ."

 "We are shaped by every decision we make in life.  Every choice, every action, has eternal consquences we can't begin to fathom. From the time you were little, you have been making choices that have slowly affected your pond.  As you stepped onto the ice, what did you see?"
 You ponder the question a moment before you answer. "I saw everything," you answer, "Everything I've ever done wrong.. Every hurt I've ever dealt.  Every sin I've ever committed."

 "Oh no," replies little you, "that wasn't everything. That was just a mere fraction.  If you were to behold every sin, wrong, and misdeed you had committed, you wouldn't be able to live with yourself.  Remember the story of Alma the Younger? He was 'harrowed up by the memory of his many sins', so much that he was unconscious for the span of three days! That didn't happen to you, did it?" the little you adds with a smile.
 "I guess not," you admit.
Your youthful doppelganger continues, "What you saw was to help you understand why are you standing on this icy pond.  It hasn't always been this way.  In fact, not too long ago, this was a beautiful place.  The water was clear, and the sun shone in its radiant warmth all the time.  At night, the stars reflected on the surface like a mirror.  Birds sang, and deer came to drink every morning.
  Your heart used to love. It used to bask in the warmth of our Savior Jesus Christ.
 There is no warmth now."

   Those words hit home.  You wipe the frozen tears from your cheeks and look up to the little you.  "Ok, you're right.  Maybe I've been feeling a little more impatient lately.  I know I can be a bit nicer and giving and stuff I guess. I know I've been skipping out on church too... but it's not my fault!" the words start coming faster now, and you feel heat rising in your face.  "I've been working all the time, and I don't get paid enough, and you've seen the people I work with!  I mean, no I'm not perfect, but I'm trying! I don't think I'm any worse than the next guy! And so what if my pond is icy?! Maybe I like having an icy pond!  There's nothing wrong with that! I like to skate!" you add on almost as an afterthought, oblivious to the humor of the statement.
 The silence that followed seem to hang in the icy air.
After what seemed like eons, your youthful voice breaks the silence. "You're right.  You aren't perfect.  And you aren't 'worse than the next guy'.  There are many frozen ponds in the world today.  It is a very cold place, bereft of the love and peace and warmth that can only come from Son.
 Too many are lost.  Too many have grown cold.  Too many don't even know how to find the warmth they seek. A heart that loves Christ, and his fellowman, is a precious commodity indeed.  You knew this once. You felt this once. The reason your pond is frozen isn't because the Savior has turned away.  His loving arms are always open to us.  You are the only one who can choose to come to Him, and He is the only one who can thaw your frozen heart.  That is why I'm here.
 Now let's melt the ice."

The Parable of the Frozen Pond: Part 1

It's been a long day.  You stumble in the door, wearied by the stresses of the day.  You reflect on everything that happened as you stagger to the bathroom to wash your face.   It was just one of those terrible, horrible, no good, very bad days.  Nothing went right! Your thoughts simmer as you look into the mirror, seeing only a tired, disgruntled face looking back at you. You're tired of people. You're tired of work.  Your tired of responsibilities. You ask yourself out loud why life is so hard, a sharp edge of bitterness in your voice.  You make a personal goal to take tomorrow off, and not to talk to a single soul.  Yep, a good day of lounging on the couch, watching movies, maybe some ice cream... that will give you the boost you need to get back into the flow of things. 
 For now, you decide to collapse onto your bed, clothes and all.  Sleep takes you almost instantly.
~~~~~~

You open your eyes, squinting, until your eyes focus.  You rub them, shivering.  You are standing in a tranquil forest glen, but the branches are empty and the trunks cold and bare.  A thick layer of snow is covering the ground, and the sky above is a deep, roiling gray.  There are snowflakes glittering through the air, one lands squarely on your nose with an icy bite.  Where are you?  As you look around, you see a trail.  Since the alternative is glomping through the snow, you decide to follow it.
 You walk for what seems like a few minutes, but perhaps a few hours, and you come to a clearing in the trees. A pond slowly comes to view, and the trail ends right at the bank of it.
 Now, your natural instinct tells you this is the end of the trail.  But you feel something inside you, encouraging almost, to step onto the ice.  You stand there, hesitant.  You've been on thin ice before, and that was an experience you won't soon forget.  The feeling doesn't go away, and you again receive the strangely comforting prompting to step onto the pond.  You take a deep breath, and step forward.

 For a moment, you think you must be dying.  Your life is flashing before your eyes.  But these aren't the memories you expected... You see yourself, young, stealing your little sister's candy and pushing her to the ground.  The image flashes forward to another of you, furtively, slyly, stealing a snickers bar behind your mom's back at the grocery store.  More and more flit before your eyes; fights with your parents, lies you told to your friends... hurt feelings, bitter choices, angry words.  As the memories progress, they seem to gain speed.  You are in high school, now leaving to college, being fired from your job, leaving your old apartment for a cheaper one, the memories flood on.  Then, as suddenly as they started, they stop.  You hadn't noticed that you had fallen to your knees during the onslaught.

 You are in the middle of the pond now, but you realize you are quite safe.  This water is frozen; probably several inches, if not feet, thick.  Still on your knees, you realize your face is bitterly cold, wet with tears.  What was the purpose of all this?  Why did you just relive all the worse memories of your life? Wasn't your life at least fairly happy?  Why can you only remember the worst parts? Exhausted, forlorn, your shoulders slump and the tears continue to track down your freezing cheeks.

Suddenly a voice cuts the icy silence.
"Maybe you'd like to know what this all means?"

Nerd's Eye View: Episode III

Return of the Family

Everyone has a family.  We are all born from a mother and father, often with other siblings as well.  Families come in all varieties; while not all are what you would call the typical "nuclear" family, we all have one. Every family faces different challenges and different circumstances.  But, no matter the situation, the true blessing of a family comes from the support and love they offer each other through the storms of life.
 This is by divine design.  This is why the family is a universal unit. It doesn't matter if you are from America or a tiny island in the South Pacific, from Earth or a small desert planet in the Outer Rim Territories.
 There will always be families.

 Growing up, Luke's family were his Aunt and Uncle, Owen and Beru.  Although not his bioligical parents, they raised him, nurtured him, taught him, and provided for him.

Owen, a moisture farmer, was a little rough around the edges but had a good heart.  He taught Luke the value of hard work while forging a meager existance on the baked terrain of Tatooine.

  Beru, Owen's wife, shows a tender and compassionate heart as she implores Owen to let Luke go to school, rather than stay home at the farm as all his friends move on in life.  She was a voice of reason and kindness, and no doubt taught Luke the value of showing love to others.

 Luke never knew his birth mother or father growing up.  The most Uncle Owen would say about him was that he was a pilot for spice freighters.
 Then, one day, two droids appeared that would change Luke's life, and family, forever. Despite his training into Jedi, warping to all ends of the galaxy, mastering the force, saving a princess(/sister), blowing up a death star, hugging a wookie, etc... in the end what changes Luke's life the most are four simple words:

"I am your Father."

 We all know the story of the Prodigal Son.  A young, foolish son approaches his father, asking for all the money of his inheritance.  The father kindly, although I imagine somewhat apprehensively, does so.  The son, with all his newfound money, freedom, and power, "wasted his substance on riotous living."  As his money depletes, he finds all his fairweather friends leave him.  He is left to tend to pigs, starving even for "the husks that the swine did eat."  Happily, that is not where the story ends.  The son, humbled and weak, has a change of heart and returns to the father.  The father, who had love and faith in his son all along, embraces him warmly and lovingly.  His son is redeemed.

 What we learn from this galaxy far, far away is the story of the Prodigal Father. Darth Vader, originally a bright young boy named Anakin Skywalker, is seduced to paths of darkness in the course of his life.  When Luke learns of his father's identity, he knows, almost instictively, there is still good in his father's heart. Despite the continual bad choices (including, but not limited to, lightsaber battles) of Darth Vader, his son believes in him.
 Later on, when Luke's life is about to end at the hands of the evil Emporer, Anakin's love shines through the black metal and polyester, and he, at the cost of his own life, saves the life of his only son.
 His last words are,

"Tell your sister you were right."

 Families are built on sacrifice, love, and faith.  It doesn't matter who raises you, what color your skin is, or what galactic vector you reside in, the family has always been, and the family will always be. It is something that is sacred, beautiful, and must be revered and protected.  We mustn't lose faith in our loved ones who have lost their way, but have faith in them as our Father in Heaven has faith in us. And remember,
 we are all family.

May the Spirit be with you!

Eggs, Peeps, and Easter!

As a missionary, this is a special time of year.  It's a special time of year for much of the world, but it's taken on a whole new meaning as I experience Easter on the mission.

 I'm sure we all have happy Easter memories.  When I think of Easter, I can't help but think of colorful faux grass, atomic yellow marshmallow peeps, and newly dyed eggs strewn about my grandma's yard.  I remember the pungent smell of the vinegar in the dye as we each made our own, special eggs to be included in the ensuing hunt.  Best of all, I remember the almost Christmas-esque feel of finding a basket on Easter morning, filled with all kinds of awesome candies, treats, and maybe even a movie or game.  Indeed, it almost felt sometimes like a spring version of Christmas!

 Now, not too many years later, I reflect on how that is true, but in a much different way.  Just as Christmas is a holiday truly meant for remembering the birth of our Lord and Savior, carrying with it the hope He brought to the world as the bright and morning star, so is Easter a celebration of the other pinnacle of Christ's life: His death, yes, but also His resurrection.
 I realize now, at least, a little more, the true import of this day.  Christmas is a celebration of the birth of our Savior, but Easter is a celebration of His mission being fulfilled.  With the resurrection came an end to death as we knew it, both spiritual and physical. This is a day of celebration for the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It is a holiday of death turning to life, marked by nature itself radiantly bursting forth from the cold and weary winter that once held it bound.

 My easter wish for the world is that we might remember the Way, the Truth, and the Life of the world.  Just as with His Atonement, it isn't just His day.
 It's for all of us.

The Art of Life

My illustration for "the cowboy code"

 For anyone who knows me, it isn't much of a secret that I am something of an artist.  I wouldn't claim to be particularly skilled, but I sure am persistant at what I do! I love drawing, expressing myself, and bringing images in my head to life using only graphite and paper. I think mankind has an inherent love to create; to make things, to build, to express ourselves.  I imagine we inherit this from our Father in Heaven, by whom came all Creation. Yet, of all the endless cosmos, the innumerable celestial bodies created by His hand, there is one great purpose behind it all:
 "..To bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."
 That's a pretty amazing thought!  I've seen a lot of beautiful things in my short tenure on this Earth, and I'm sure there are countless more wondrous things I haven't.  But we, the children of God, are greater than them all.



  When I think of drawing, and how much goes into creating a masterpiece, I can't help but compare it to us, God's greatest masterpieces-to-be.
 A masterpiece contains many elements that artists will train diligently for years to perfect: light, shadow, perspective, color... the list goes on and on. All of these things must be present to accomplish the end result of a true work of art. To stand the test of time, it must be created, patiently, lovingly, stroke by stroke.
 So we too are created, line upon line, experience by experience.
 As we make decisions, day by day, lines are unconsciously added.  As we face trials and opposition, the shadows on the paper appear, adding depth to the work. With joyful experiences, light is imbued to the painting, balancing out the dark with stark contrast, with all of the subtle shades in between.




 

 Now, these elements alone are enough to create something. To an artist, a work in this stage is merely a draft; a sketch.  However, to be a truly complete work, something that will hang in a museum to be admired for a millenia to come, there must be something more: color.
 Color can come from many sources, and many media.  Oils, pastels, pencils, chalk; there are many different ways to express it. 
 In a similar way, it is love that adds this final, crucial touch to our lives.  There are many kinds of love, and many ways to express it and receive it.  It is when we develop this trait, and show it to others, that we begin to realize the true potential of what this masterpiece can become.  Brilliant hues become vivid on the canvas as we serve others, cooling shades shimmer as we show forgiveness and compassion, and a spectrum of other chromas irridescently blush to life as we develop hearts that love.

 And finally, exultantly, the master will put down the brush and survey His finished work.  What was once a blank canvas, clear and full of potential, has now, through trials and triumphs, sorrow and joy, laughter and tears, become something much greater than that once-blank canvas could ever had imagined it would be.

 It will be a masterpiece.

Presenting: Elder Penman!

Um hello my name is Cody Penman and i like to party. I Grew up in Roy, UT which is in the Ogden, UT area. I have been on a mission for a short time now, like a month, and i am LOVING it! Its the best thing i have done!! I love to play basketball and football and whatever sport looks fun. I love to hunt, fish and just be in the great outdoors. I come from a family of 9 kids. I am number 6. I love to spread the gospel with people so a mission is the thing for me! I love having fun and meeting new people. :)

I know that Jesus Christ came to this earth to die for me and for everyone that has lived on this earth and anyone that will live. I am so glad that he did that for me because I know that through him and his atoning sacrifice, i can become clean so i can live with my Heavenly Father after this life. I know that while He was here on earth, he preached the gospel of God and taught many good things. I came on a mission so i can teach those same teachings that Jesus Christ taught. I know that he had to power to heal the sick, I know that same power is restored upon the earth again. I know that Joseph Smith was a prophet called of God to restore the correct teachings of Jesus Christ and to bring the priesthood power back to the earth. I know Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon so we can read it today and feel that good feeling when we read it. I know that we have a living prophet today that is the one who talks to God on how to make our lives better. That to me is a great feeling, I love the fact that we have a prophet to help us and guide us in these days. I am on a mission so that i can share these things with people who dont know the truth. I am out here in California teaching people the correct teachings of Jesus Christ and helping them find true joy in their lives again. I am out here cause i know that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints is the true chuch of Christ! I know that I am doing what the Lord wants me to do. Two years of serving God is nothing compared to what Jesus Christ did. I know that my life would not be the same if it wasn't for Him. I am out here because i want people to return to Heavenly Father again and i know they can only do that if they have faith in Christ and be baptized in His name and I am here to have peoples faith grow and to baptize those who accept our happy message.

At-One-Ment

 To me, there are few things harder to teach than the Atonement.
It's not that it is necessarily very complicated to explain; it isn't.  It's not that it isn't important; it is.  It is the foundation of everything that we teach.  And I think, ironically, this is part of my dilemma. Everything we teach is built off of Christ's Atonement, insomuch that sometimes it gets buried under all the doctrines, commandments, and scriptures we are so eager to share with our investigators.  Sadly, the very thing that should be center stage in our lessons is left to wallow behind the curtain; enshadowed, obscure, nearly forgotten.
 Now, I'm not saying all missionaries are guilty of this!  I can only speak for myself.  So I want to make up for this, in however small a way I can, by sharing for you my testimony of the Atonement of Jesus Christ.

 Now, the Atonement does not begin in the garden of Gethsemane, as we tend to teach in passing.  No, Christ's voluntary sacrifice reverberates along time's spectrum in both directions: beginning with God's forming His plan of salvation for us in our pre-earth life, reaching across eons of time to our final judgement. It was, and is, truly infinite; without time or breadth.

 If you are like me, at this point you are already overwhelmed.  How can something be infinite? How could Christ suffer everything?  If you look at this with a purely scientific perspective, it will only result in confusion and a headache.  Trust me, I've tried.

 The fact of the matter is, Christ did suffer everything.  Remember that time you said "I hate you!" to your little sister because she broke your batman toy, and the bitter remorse that plagued you all the rest of the day, with the image of her sweet little face wet with tears burned into your memory?
 He felt that.
 Remember when your family dog finally got too old and sick to keep going, and you had to wave goodbye to her as she smiled at you from the back of the truck, knowing you'd never see her tail wag again?
 He felt that.
 Remember the literal pain in your heart as you walked away from a friend who had betrayed you; leaving nothing but dashed hopes, hurt feelings, and painful memories?
 He felt that.
 He suffered everything we could all suffer in the human experience. Whether it be physical, emotional, or spiritual, it transcended all barriers, encompassing the entire realm of suffering and sorrow.

 Why?
 Why did He do this?  Why did He willingly and knowlingly volunteer to do this?  Why did He, perfect and wonderful as He was, choose to be subject to the full fury and temptation of the world, and the adversary?
  "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."
 It all happened because God loves us, and so does our Savior Jesus Christ.  They want us to make it home. He died so that it could be so.
 In the name of our Redeemer, Savior, and Brother, Jesus Christ,
Amen.

Ok, Really?

 Yesterday was a very interesting day. 
  It began fairly normal: showers, scriptures, and Cinnabon cereal.  When we walked out the door, there was nothing in the peaceful morning sunshine that suggested this would be one of the craziest days of my mission. But so it was, and so it would be.
 As we cruised to the church for the zone meeting we had planned, we enjoyed the fresh, new day, ripe with potential.  The meetings went well; Elder Tanner taught an excellent district meeting after as well.  After this three hour block of meetings, my companion and I had the inspiration to take advantage of a whopper special going on at the local Burger King-"Buy one, get one free".  Yep, life was looking good for the Elders of Vallejo 1st ward.
 What happened next, we just couldn't see coming.

 After consuming our delicious (and remarkably unhealthy) meal, we proceeded to our appointment with a Mr. Shawn Watts. Although we knew he lived on the sketchy side of town, we were confident in the broad daylight.  We arrived at his home, guns blazing, excited to share the message of the Book of Mormon with him. As we got out of the car, he walked down the steps of his second story apartment to let us in.  He seemed a little worried, apparently there had been a scene earlier and he wanted to get back inside as soon as possible.
 We open with a prayer, and start reading the introduction.  It was going great!  ..Then we heard the shouting in the street.
 Now, a little background: I grew up in the quiet town of Layton, Utah. I had never actually seen a "domestic disturbance".  A fight for me was usually something that happened once in a blue moon in High School, and usually blew over pretty quick with maybe a black eye dealt to an unfortunate participant.

 What we saw (again, safely from the second story window) was a real fight.  People yelling and screaming, pushing and punching and kicking. As we watched, it quickly dispersed and the police arrived to restore the peace.
 So, that was the end of that lesson. :P
 The rest of the day was just as different. As we came in that night, utterly spent and (I'll admit) just a little perturbed, I reflected on why we have bad days.
 Of course, the scriptures address this fairly succinctly, "There must needs be an opposition in all things".  If we had days of nothing but sunshine and daisies, that would completely defeat the purpose of why we are here!  We learn the most in our hard times, and as Elder Collett surmised last evening, "These are the times we'll talk about most after our mission."
 Being a missionary is so many things.  It's incredibly hard, unspeakably awkward at times, immeasurably valuable to the lives we touch, and endlessly rewarding at the end of the day.  Despite everything we've faced (and most likely will face), I love this.  I know that this work is true, and important, and worth every little bit of opposition. I know Christ loves His children, and the blessing it is to know His plan for us and to be able to share that wonderful news with our brothers and sisters.
 "Wherefore, ye must press forward with a steadfastness in Christ, having a perfect brightness of hope, and a love of God and of all men. Wherefore, if ye shall press forward, feasting upon the word of Christ, and endure to the end, behold, thus saith the Father: Ye shall have eternal life."

I love to see the Temple

 Today's adventure started at 6:00 AM.  We had the wonderful opportunity to go to Oakland to see the temple, and we needed to wake up even earlier than usual to be ready for our ride.  As we hustled out into the rain, crammed into a small car with two other missionaries (and the driver), and drove off into the grey split-pea soup that is the bay area in the morning, our spirits were high.  Several rounds of "20 Questions: Scripture Edition" later, we were looking at the majestic golden spires of the Oakland Temple.

 It was a wonderful morning!  The fog was so thick when we got there we couldn't even see the temple in the parking lot. :P  Luckily, it cleared out around noon and when we came out, the view was clear.  San Francisco stood cold and gray in the distance, and the ocean reflected the steely demeanor of the overcast clouds. Sunshine is nice, but I personally believe cloudy days have their place too.
 As we perambulated around the upper tier of the temple grounds, we got a close up view of the panorama carved in the temple face.  I had always thought it was Christ simply addressing His apostles.  I was surprised to find, as we got closer, that it was not the apostles, but the multitude Christ visited in 3 Nephi.

Beneath this beautiful work of sculpture, on the ground level of the temple grounds, there was a statue of two children and a dog looking up.  Beside them was a scripture engraved in stone, with gold leaf bringing the words to life:

 "And it came to pass that Jesus commanded that their little children should be brought. ..So they brought their little children and set them down upon the ground round about him.. ..And He said unto them: Blessed are ye because my joy is full.. And when He had said these things, He wept.. And He took their little children one by one, and blessed them and prayed unto the Father for them.. And when He had done this He wept again."

 Of all the things that could be inscribed here, I found it both interesting and beautiful that it was This, Christ's love for the children, and blessing them, that was written.
 I wondered a bit about the implications of this scripture, and again, why it was this passage that was there.  As I reflect on my morning at the temple, I think I finally understand.
 Heavenly Father is constantly seeking to bless us, help us, and show His love for us.  We Are His children.  What greater blessing to His little ones than to give us a place to draw nearer to Him, to strengthen and uplift us, to act (in this temple's case, quite literally) as a lighthouse to guide us safely home.  It is a refuge from the storms of life that constantly berate us, offering us, if only briefly, a clear view of why we are here and what is to come. It is our home away from home.

The Parable of the Sower!
























Voila!



The road To, or Of, conversion?

 We had the wonderful opportunity and blessing of seeing a young man named Chris' baptism on Saturday; it was an amazing day for everyone involved.  As we watched him dress in his white jumpsuit and, eventually, go under the water, I pondered on the quiet beauty of these moments.  Before someone enters into the waters of baptism, some might feel that they need to "know" everything to be eligible.  People get too caught up in thinking that "conversion" is a destination; a point they will reach when they finally know everything.
 Wrong!
 If that were true, there would not be a single member of this church!  I certainly don't know everything about our God's plan for us, and all the minutia of the scriptures and commandments we are given.  I don't know everything about church history, repentance, or the Atonement.  I don't even know everything about programming VCR's. What I don't know could (and probably does) fill the library of congress.  What I do know is that I have a Father in Heaven who loves me and you very dearly, and we have a Savior who died so that we could return to Him.
 Conversion isn't about how much you know, it's about what you know, and acting on it.  I don't expect I'll ever attain the title of "fully converted" in my life, and neither will you.  Conversion is a road that we must all traverse, through night and day, sun and rain, until, finally, we meet our Savior waiting for us at the end. If we endure this road, believing and trusting that we will reach the end, we will find ourselves at the last day altogether with our Savior, and all our brothers and sisters who walked the road with us.
"Know ye not that they which run in a race run all, but one receiveth the prize? So run, that ye may obtain."
-1 Corinthians 9: 24